I'm in the race, but I already won

I’m in the race but I already won

And getting there can be half the fun - Perfect Day (Hoku)

Here it is March 7 and TWO years since I published Getting My Bounce Back. Seriously. What a whirlwind. I spent the better part of 2017-18 pulling the book together, getting an agent, and landing a publishing contract. Other first-time authors report the experience can be overwhelming but also thrilling, and I’d say it’s been exactly like that for me.

So where am I with all this? Especially since you haven’t heard much from me lately.

Professionally I’m more engaged and challenged than ever and on some days barely coming up for air. In my current assignment, as Chief of Staff in the office of the Special Presidential Envoy for Hostage Affairs, I work in a secure space and without access to any devices. That means little if any contact with personal social media interests such as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You know by now how much I love Facebook and Instagram in particular as I experience true joy hearing about and seeing friends and family members’ everyday happenings.

But I also draw inspiration from following runners and wellness gurus on Twitter, and I miss that. By the time I leave my office and head home it could be close to 8 pm. And if I’m able to get in a run or a workout at the gym before work, which means heading out the door by 5:15 am, by the time I’m back home I’m racing around packing up food, jumping into the shower, and grabbing any black or navy item from my closet that feels reasonably appropriate for the day ahead. Rarely have I been able to enjoy seeing other people’s morning posts or post my own morning workouts because by the time I’m on the Metro I’m reading in for work and whoosh it’s all I can do not to miss my stop.

And then later I’ll try to catch up on social media during my commute home on Metro but once I’m inside my front door, I’m fried. It’s a good night when I’m able to carry a simple conversation with Bob, who’s 100 percent focused on coronavirus.

What I want to say is for me This Is An Issue.

Throughout my fitness journey I’ve used social media to hold myself accountable to my fitness goals. In fact, this has been one of my hacks. If I’m struggling on a run or having a conversation with myself at 5 am about whether or not to go out for a run, I’ll often tell myself that I get to post my results after the run and then get to see everyone else’s posts about their early morning runs.

Bob and I spent New Year’s this year in Lewes, Delaware, and on the morning of New Year’s Eve we took a yoga class at Dimitra Yoga.

The teacher started off by encouraging us to throw away the idea of setting New Year’s resolutions and instead focusing on New Year’s intentions.

I remember thinking this must have been bugging her because it was literally the first thing she said.

Her point was that year after year we set goals and when we’re not able to meet our goals we beat ourselves up. Setting goals leads to failure, she said, and most of us can do without additional moments of failure.

It was supposed to be a non-heated yoga class but the since the room had been heated for a class before us, the teacher had propped one of the studio doors open. I set up my mat right next to the open door and there was a fan overhead. Perfection.

But as she was talking about setting intentions rather than goals she walked over to my space and closed the door.

I had kind of a rush of emotions as I was processing this idea that setting goals leads to failure and piling up failures is not a great way to start a new year and the fact that the room was just starting to feel nice when she removed the door stop from that door.

Hmm. My whole journey has been about setting goals - SMART goals in fact focusing on the “M” for “measurable” - so I pondered the wisdom of taking SMART off the table even as I set 800 miles as my running goal for 2020.

And I’m aware there’s a fair amount of chatter about whether using trackers for fitness and food can be counterproductive for some of the same reasons. Yet over the summer I remember reading in Runners’ World that while scientists assert that fitness trackers themselves may not improve your cardiovascular health, they do improve your motivation to workout, which can have a big impact on your overall health, including your mental health.

In fact I’ve noticed that when I set my MapMyRun app for a 6 mile run or a 2 mile walk, as I approach 6 miles if I’m running or 2 miles if I’m walking, I’m finished. I could probably push myself to go longer but it never feels right. By now I’m able to hone my mindfulness skills and my ability to scan my body for how everything is feeling, but the reality is once I’ve set my goal and I’ve achieved my goal, I’m good.

Without the goal, I’ll admit I’m a little lost. Maybe in truth this might be a weakness, but the ultimate goal is to remain fit and healthy for as long as possible so if tracking my calories and macros (I use MyFitnessPal) and mileage gets me to that place, I’d put myself in the Goals camp rather than the Intentions camp. My commitment to wellness means I live with an intention to make decisions that have a positive impact on my sense of well being, but more often than not, that also means that I need to set goals.

I discovered early on that becoming self aware about my personality plays a major role in setting goals and meeting them. For me, I can have all the intentions in the world but without goal setting it’s pretty unlikely that I’ll feel good at the end of the day. Or the month. Or the year.

And feeling good is what I live for.

It’s the big goal. For 2020. For forever.

See you next time!